10 Ways To Avoid Becoming A Life-Long College Student: Part 2

LANDON LONG Comments Off on 10 Ways To Avoid Becoming A Life-Long College Student: Part 2

You still here?  How many years has it been since you checked this website?  Before you wind up the old guy in the class, flirting with classmates old enough to be your grandkids you better keep reading.  Life is going on without you in the real world.  Here’s five more ways to get your ass in gear, get those credits, and join the rat race before your parents kick you out of the garage.

life long college part 2

6. Guard Your Time Like it’s Your Daughter’s Virginity

This is the chance to be that cool kid you loathed in high school.  Ditch classes when you don’t need to be there so you can work on more important projects (smoking joints in the park behind lecture haul is not an important project).  Skip pointless assignments that don’t make up a significant portion of your grade.

Being selective streamlines your efforts where they count the most and keeps your brain from getting scattered.  Also, your brainpower and motivation expands or contracts depending on time limits.  That’s why you always seem to find the means to cram that semester project into the night before finals.  So give yourself specified time chunks for completing assignments.

7. While You’re at It, Ignore Your Teachers

We’ve all had those teachers who probably got their degree in a thumb-wrestling contest and have the personality of a beer-stained futon.  Even if you’re thrilled with the dynamic changes in the cardboard box design industry, it doesn’t mean you want to listen to some asshole drone on about it.

But let his wife tell him he’s an idiot; he just became the easiest way to hack your day.  Chances are this class is easy to pass with a little reading or stealing notes—otherwise no one would.

So while he’s trying to convince you that new box shapes will revolutionize storage spaces, work on your more important homework.  Keep your book open, and while your peers play pocket pool to stay awake, pound through three nights of homework.  You have no idea how effective this time management techniques is until you try it.

8. Don’t Waste Time Learning

Okay, we don’t mean all learning is a waste, but lousy learning is.  The human brain is powerful beyond scientific understanding, yet we feel the need to learn everything two or three times—that’s how Kindergarteners and canines do it.

When you learn something new, learn it then and there.  Be the geek who keeps raising their hand to ask for clarification.  “But Teacher!”  No one is going to wait for you by the flagpole when you get out of class.

Most courses are comprehensive, and if you train your brain to learn things right, you won’t have to do it again.  If you’re particularly dense that day (or everyday), stick around after class to discus it with the professor or another student who actually gives a damn.

Keep up your homework, learn everything as you go, and never fall behind—proper learning becomes a constant habit.  Anything else is wasteful and probably takes more effort, which we’re not a big fan of.

9. Don’t Forge to Remember Shit

Master memory tricks to shorten study times and impress dumb people.  There are plenty of Jedi mind tricks out there—you just have to understand the human brain.

The experiences in your head are all connected, and memories get linked together like a crazy web in our minds.  Everything is connected to countless other memories.

That’s why you’ll step into an outhouse and burst into tears just because it smells like your first date’s deodorant.   You may not have thought of that person in years, but all it took was that one rancid trigger.

So learn to associate the information you want to learn with something you already know.  Then, when you’re having trouble recalling it, you can tap into that long-term memory and spring the connection into the front of your mind.

There are tons of brain hacks out there.  Do some research and find out what gets your half-dead brain in gear.

10. Party!

I’m not talking about the seven-day a week bone-crushing parties and using drugs to wake up that ruined your parent’s lives; I just mean don’t be afraid to loosen up every once in a while.  Your brain needs recharging, and an unbalanced life hinders your psychological well-being.

Some good ways to have a good time without taking a baseball bat to your short-term memory or adding three extra semesters to your college career are recreational sports.  With just one stone you get exercise, a break from school, and social stimulation.

And don’t let your intense schedule screw up your sex life either.  Some good shagging from time to time is a great release.  In fact, having sex with multiple partners at once improves your IQ.  Okay—I’m screwing with you, but that would be pretty sweet.

Seriously, though.  As long as your partner is as motivated as you, a relationship can drive you forward.  Studies show that married people are more successful.

See, you’ve got everything you need to graduate to pluck that pacifier out of your mouth and go be a big boy before your hair goes grey.  The only thing that’s holding you back is the rules you give your brain.  Motivational psychologists say successful individuals simply hold themselves to a completely different set of standards than the rest of us losers.

Change your standards and secure the future you want.  It’s out there waiting.

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